Building self-compassion when you've spent a lifetime being hard on yourself
Compassion Focused Therapy
(CFT)
Some people are naturally hard on themselves. If you’ve spent years believing you should be better, doing more, or being different — and if being kind to yourself feels foreign or even wrong — you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. Compassion Focused Therapy was developed for exactly this. It’s an evidence-based approach that helps you understand where the self-critical voice comes from and gradually build a warmer, steadier relationship with yourself. It doesn’t ask you to become someone you’re not — it helps you feel more like yourself, with more room to breathe.
What is Compassion Focused Therapy?
Compassion Focused Therapy — CFT — was developed by Professor Paul Gilbert, a British clinical psychologist who noticed that some of his patients understood their difficulties well but couldn’t feel any different. They could tell themselves reassuring things and still feel exposed, ashamed, or self-critical. CFT was designed for these situations — for people who need to build the capacity for self-compassion, not just understand it intellectually.
The approach draws on neuroscience, evolutionary psychology, and Buddhist practices, combined with familiar cognitive-behavioural techniques. It helps you understand why your mind responds the way it does — through no fault of your own — and strengthens the parts of you associated with warmth, safeness, and care. Over time, this changes the tone of your inner life.
What CFT can help with
CFT is particularly helpful for:
- Persistent self-criticism and being hard on yourself
- Shame — including shame about your body, past choices, or aspects of your identity
- Depression that hasn't fully responded to other therapies
- Anxiety rooted in feeling exposed or judged
- Trauma-related shame and self-blame
- Eating difficulties and difficult body relationships
- Long-standing patterns rooted in childhood criticism or emotional neglect
- Feeling unable to soothe yourself in difficult moments
- Difficulty accepting kindness from others
If you’ve read self-help books about self-compassion and thought ‘yes, but I can’t actually do that’ — CFT is often the therapy that helps.
CFT for adults
Many adults come to CFT after other therapies. They may have had CBT that helped them understand their patterns but didn’t shift the underlying feeling of not being good enough. They may have tried mindfulness but found it hard to be with themselves. CFT builds skills specifically for these situations — techniques like soothing-rhythm breathing, compassionate imagery, and compassionate self-correction that give you something to do when self-criticism arrives.
Sessions are experiential — you’ll try things, not just talk about them. Your therapist will guide you gently, and you can go at whatever pace feels manageable.
CFT for children and young people
CFT can work well with children and adolescents who are hard on themselves — particularly young people affected by perfectionism, shame, bullying, or long-standing self-doubt. The techniques are adapted for age — younger children might use imagery of a kind character, or work with drawings; adolescents might explore what self-compassion could mean without feeling weak or ‘letting themselves off the hook’.
For neurodivergent children who often experience high levels of shame from being told they’re ‘too much’ or ‘not enough’, CFT can be particularly meaningful.
What happens in a session
Your first appointment (90 minutes)
The first appointment gives your therapist time to understand what's brought you to therapy, and specifically to explore how self-criticism, shame or difficult feelings about yourself have shown up in your life. You won't be pressured to share more than you're ready to. The first session often includes some psychoeducation about how the mind works — many clients find this alone starts to shift things.
Ongoing sessions (50 minutes)
Follow-up sessions are 50 minutes and typically weekly or fortnightly. Sessions include reflective conversation and experiential practices — imagery, breathing, chair work — that help build self-compassion in a felt way, not just as an idea. Your therapist will guide the practices and adapt them to what works for you.
How long does CFT take?
Twelve to twenty-four sessions is typical, though this varies. CFT often works well over several months because it’s building a new capacity — not just resolving a specific concern. Some clients continue for longer to consolidate and go deeper. Others use CFT for a focused period and finish.
How we deliver CFT
CFT can be delivered virtually (via secure video) or in person at 10 Harley Street. Some clients prefer in-person for the more experiential elements — chair work, guided imagery — while others find virtual works well. You can move between formats.
Session Fees
Session type
VIrtual
In-Clinic
Initial appointment (90 minutes)
£230
£280
Ongoing session (50 minutes)
£150
£190
Fees are the same for adults and for children and young people. We accept self-pay clients and are recognised by all major UK health insurers including Vitality, BUPA, AXA, Aviva and Cigna.
CFT FAQ
- Is CFT right for me?CFT is often chosen by people who intellectually understand their difficulties but still feel stuck emotionally — particularly those with persistent self-criticism, shame, or trauma-related self-blame. If you find it hard to be kind to yourself, or if kindness from others feels difficult to accept, CFT is worth exploring.
- How is CFT different from CBT?CBT focuses on changing thoughts and behaviours. CFT works on how you relate to your own mind — building the felt experience of self-compassion. CFT includes CBT elements but adds experiential practices designed to strengthen the parts of the mind that feel safe, warm, and cared for. Many people benefit from CFT after CBT hasn't fully worked.
- Is CFT the same as mindfulness?No. Mindfulness is one element within CFT — but CFT is specifically about building self-compassion, not just present-moment awareness. Some clients who've struggled with mindfulness alone find CFT more helpful because it directly works with the self-critical voice.
- I don't feel I deserve compassion. Can CFT still help?Yes — this is precisely one of the situations CFT was developed for. Feeling undeserving of kindness is a symptom, not a barrier. Your therapist will start where you are, and the work goes gradually and respectfully.
- Do I need a referral from my GP?No. You can book directly with us as a self-pay client, or through your health insurance if you have cover.
Ready to talk to us?
If self-criticism has been part of your life for a long time, reaching out can feel like one more thing to be hard on yourself about. Our admin team is used to first conversations that feel tentative, and there’s no pressure. Whether you’re ready to book or still wondering if CFT is right for you, please get in touch.
Related therapie
Depending on what you’re working with, one of these approaches may also fit:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
For structured work on thoughts and behaviours
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
For accepting difficult feelings and building a values-based life
Trauma-Focused CBT (TF-CBT) or EMDR
If trauma is part of what's fuelling the self-criticism